Show 269 Saturday 27 January

Watch today’s show at YouTube.

How to tell if you’re addicted to YouTube.

1. You meet someone from Australia and say “Do you know Emmalina?”

2. You talk about YouTubers as if they’re your friends.

3. You are genuinely surprised that some people have never heard of YouTube.

4. You look around for the keyboard to make a comment while watching a TV show at your friend’s house.

5. You can’t understand why your friend still owns a TV.

6. You think it’s only a matter of time before we stop celebrating Jesus’ birthday and start celebrating Chad and Steve’s.

7. You wonder why anyone is still worried about drug addictions when you KNOW YouTube is more addictive.

8. You can’t remember the last time you read a book.

9. You stop caring if you ramble because you keep thinking “I can always edit this out later”.

10. Your daily vocabulary has been severely affected by reading comments under videos.

11. You have to actually consciously stop yourself from saying LOL when someone says something funny.

12. You no longer have time to email your parents but you can still find the time to watch hundreds of videos of random strangers.

13. Whether to delete, reply to or ignore a negative comment is a major decision requiring careful consideration.

14. You feel chronic anxiety whenever YouTube is down for maintenance.

15. Having all but lost your conversation skills you can’t remember how to change the topic when someone starts rambling. And you end up just staring vacantly thinking things like:
I just wasted 3 minutes of my life.
How did this get featured?
STFU
Lame.
1 star.
Unsubscribed.

16. When someone says something inappropriate you think: this should totally be flagged.

17. You know it’s not going to be a Britney Spears sex tap and you wouldn’t want to watch Britney having sex even if it was but you just can’t help clicking on it anyway.

18. You’d never even heard of a country called Darfur until some American guy with a webcam started rambling on about saving it.

19. You don’t care when you get fired from your job, your family disowns you and everyone in the street throws rotten tomatoes at you, –
but if someone unsubscribes it throws you into the pits of despair.

20. You’ve stopped fantasising about winning an Oscar and marrying Brad Pitt and instead fantasise about getting featured.

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